Original
Feeling like something else has taken over your mind and body and you have no choice in the matter. I will get up from a movie I am enjoying to go pull. I will get out of bed, even when tired, to go pull. It's like you are possessed during these moments. You are not able to control it, and if you try to fight it, you struggle in ways you cannot imagine are humanly possible. So you give in, then you feel like a failure. It's the opposite feeling of pulling. Pulling makes you feel good, even when you feel bad. Not pulling when you want to pull, makes you feel awful. You cannot even enjoy the win because you know you didn't actually win. You still lost.