I just want to be 'normal'

---

_FROM A YOUNG AGE I KNEW I WASN'T LIKE OTHER CHILDREN, I WOULD TIRE SO QUICKLY AND BY THE AGE OF 5 WAS IN THERAPY FOR ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION (YES REALLY THAT YOUNG) BY THE AGE OF 10 I WAS PUT ON MY FIRST LOT OF ANTIDEPRESSANTS AND I AM STILL ON THEM TODAY! I REMEMBER IT STARTING WITH ME JUST WANTING TO SLEEP ALL THE TIME, NOT HAVING ANY ENERGY TO DO PHYSICAL STUFF AND WHEN I DID I PAID FOR IT BY BEING ILL AND TAKING TO MY BED, PEOPLE THOUGHT I WAS LAZY BUT MY PARENTS KNEW OTHERWISE... EVENTUALLY AROUND 15 I WAS DIAGNOSED WITH CFS. I WAS SO ANGRY ABOUT HAVING THIS ILLNESS THAT NOONE KNEW WHAT CAUSED OR THERE WASN'T ANY TREATMENT, BEING A TEENAGER I WANTED TO BE OUT WITH MY FRIENDS I MISSED OUT ON SO MUCH BUT IN THE END FOR MY SANITY I JUST HAD TO ACCEPT THIS IS HOW IT WAS AND I HAD TO MAKE THE BEST OUT OF A SH*TTY SITUATION!!_

_AS TIME WENT BY THE TIREDNESS WAS OVERUN BY HEADACHES AND MUSCLE PAINS WHICH I CAN ONLY DESCRIBE AS LIKE YOU HAD BEEN STAMPED ON WITHOUT ANY VISABLE BRUISING, NEW SYMPTOMS WOULD START EMERGING, PINS AND NEEDLES, NUMBNESS, VERTIGO, DIGESTIVE AND VISUAL CHANGES BUT ALSO STILL BATTLING THE BODY PAINS AND TIREDNESS. I STILL TO THIS DAY FEEL FRUSTRATED AND WANT TO SCREAM WHY ME WHAT HAVE I DONE SO BAD TO DESERVE THIS! SOME DAYS ARE BETTER THAN OTHERS, I HAVE MANAGED TO START DOING A FEW HOURS OF WORK A DAY TO FEEL SOME IMPORTANCE ON THIS PLANET. MAYBE ONE DAY I CAN THINK YES I CAN DO THAT WITHOUT HAVING TO WORRY ABOUT BEING EXHAUSTED AND IN PAIN AFTERWARDS! I AM LUCKY TO HAVE A SUPPORTING PARTNER AND FAMILY AND SOME FRIENDS THAT HAVE STUCK BY ME, MAYBE ONE DAY I WILL WAKE UP AND IT WILL BE GONE OR THERE WILL BE A CURE BUT UNTIL THEN ANYONE WHO SUFFERS YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND WE JUST HAVE TO MAKE A HALF DECENT LIFE OUT OF A SH*TTY SITUATION_

 

_NICOLE X_