how I get HPPD

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When I was 14 years old I had problems with social life and it gets me in deep depression. I didn't remember anything about that time and why really this happened to me but I remember that all time i just looked down to the ground. Therapist for that my mum get me was no really interested about me so she give me antidepressant that doesn't allowed for use to persons that under 18yrs. After month it healed my depression but I had problems with withdrawal syndrome and my sleep goes bad. I started to use sleeping pills for half year and after I stopped to use it cause worried about my heart. After that I just started to have problems with sleep for all my life. But it wasn't end. After one year I had a very bad trip about to use nbome 2cb very spontanly and overdosed. I can't say that trip was like nightmare, I just understand that this was just unadvisedly. I had experience before with nbome and it was good. But u really don't know what a real dose is in blotter paper. So I thinked that okay I'm home trying to sleep when i'Il wake up tomorrow and it will be gone, all of these visuals. But when I wake up it still on my eyes. And it didn't let go in a next day. Next week. Next moth. Next year. So I used to live healthy and sober for one year, after I just liked to drink beer or smoke smt for a bit. It's okay if u use it on accurate doses that you understand. Year ago I had end of my 2-year hided depression so my serotonin now is really okay. But I really afraid of using pharmacy that therapist's give to me. I'm afraid of benzo stuff and others AD pills. Also HPPD problems almost gone after end of depression. But they come back to me this time, after migraine happened to me. So now I still have sleep problems and worth HPPD vision again. That poisons my life. I do not have a close people that support me with my disease or smt. I live in chaos that causes around me from my mind. I just want to have normal sleep. I want to draw stuff without visuals. I want to feel energy for do my work. I want a normal sleep mode. Yes, I just accept all what happened to me and used it to my art to myself. But like all people on this site I just dream about "normal" perception to live.