Why Me?

---

After an abusive childhood I finally found the person to spend my life with.  It took 30 years.  I wanted children right away due to our ages (30 and 36).  It took a year but I finally became pregnant and had a healthy 8 lb 1 oz baby girl.  I did the natural childbirth thing, not wanting to affect the baby with any drugs.  I also decided to breastfeed my daughter.  After about three months of uneventful breastfeeding I began to feel pain in my hands.  They would turn numb.  I also noticed that my fingers and toes would turn white while in air conditioning. (It was not yet winter).  My husband said I just need some excercise so I would walk the baby in the stroller around our neighborhood.  When I returned I would have to pry my fingers from the handle of the stroller.  I couldn't do anything a new mother should!  When I woke up in the morning my whole body would be so stiff that I would have to rock until things loosened up.  It would take about 15 to 20 minutes.  This frightened me.  I had a new baby, how would I take care of her? I saw a doctor that told me I had a sinus infection.  I asked around and got the name of a highly regarded M.D.  He knew right away what was wrong with me but wouldn't give me a diagnosis without seeing a rheumatologist.  He did give me a prescription for prednisone which I filled and began taking.  This saved my life!  I felt so much better!  I did make an appointment with the rheumatologist he recommended and began seeing.  Over the course of a few months we worked together to find the right medications to treat my illness.  He told me it was Mixed Connective Tissue Disease.  Once I started feeling better I found a doctor closer to my home and began seeing him.  During the years I saw this doctor my Sjogrens Syndrome began to rear its ugly head.  After 27 years Sjogrens Syndrome is my major illness.  Throw in a little neuropathy, osteoarthritis, a little osteoporosis and intersistal lung disease.  This is what defines me today.  The maintenance of my illness.  Some days are easy, some are hard but I am never going to give in to this horrible disease.